at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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