I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Fuck appropriateness.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
