I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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