Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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