We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
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