When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
