I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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