Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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