Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
