how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Randomize
