no, he came in my armpit
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
your like the ambassador to my penis.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize