Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
