non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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