Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
