shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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