I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
