closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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