Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
