God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
