I CAN MOONWALK!
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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