Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
