Your tits are I can't wait for
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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