Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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