my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
