Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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