I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
