who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
