WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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