I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
