You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Randomize
