I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
