don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
