I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
