Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
