the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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