my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
there is glitter all over my balls
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