thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
