it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
