who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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