we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
