I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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