I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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