i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
