PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
