I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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