i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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