if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
