he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Mom said you looked used
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
