I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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