this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
