I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I didn't notice because vodka
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
