I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
