lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
