I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Randomize
