i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
