Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
