he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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