Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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