I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
