i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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