Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Randomize
