i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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