i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Randomize
