Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
