It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
