i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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