i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
