Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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