I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
