I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
