I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
