I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
