he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
