Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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