How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
